How Shall We Then Live in a Post-Christian Culture
“Submission in Marriage” – Part One
1 Peter 3:1-6
Context
In 1 Peter 1:13, after having explained the greatness of our salvation in 1 Peter 1:1-12 (i.e., what God has done in salvation), Peter says: “therefore.” That is, in light of this great salvation we are to live in a manner that is consistent with this great salvation. So, in 1 Peter 1:13-2:12, Peter sets forth seven calls to action related to our sanctification as believers. Next, we find ourselves in the third section of 1 Peter -- the submission of believers (2:13-3:12). Derek Thomas writes of this section: “What practical difference does it really make in your life that you are a Christian? What does it really mean for you to be a Christian? How is your life any different because you profess the name of Jesus Christ than if you didn’t? That’s the issue that Peter is dealing with here in this third section. He wants to say something about Christians living in a society that is less than ideal, to slaves who are living in circumstances which are less than ideal, to husbands and wives in marriages which are less than ideal, and to those churches which are less than ideal. In four different areas Peter wants to address the issue: ‘What difference does it make that you profess to be a Christian?’”[1] For the next two weeks, we will explore the third area – the need of the believer to be submissive in a marriage that is less than ideal. This week we will look at the obligation of the wife to be submissive to her husband. Next week we will look at the obligation of the husband to honor his wife.
Text
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (1 Peter 3:1-6).
Introduction
What have you heard said about this passage?
Obtain responses from the class.
Let’s be honest. Peter’s instruction for wives to be submissive to their husbands is totally repugnant to the feminist movement outside the church and it is unpopular to many inside the church. In our culture, most women are demanding that they be treated as equals and they bristle at the mere mention of the word “submit.” Before I describe what submission isn’t and what it is, let us consider the powerful portrait of womanhood that Peter paints for us in this passage. What we will see is the deep, strong roots of womanhood that underlie the fruit of submission. It is these roots that make submission the strong and beautiful thing that it is.
The Roots of Womanhood[2]
1. Hope in God (3:5)
The deepest root of Christian womanhood, mentioned in this text, is hope in God. “Holy women who hoped in God.” A Christian woman does not put her hope in her husband, or in getting a husband. She does not put her hope in her looks. She puts her hope in the promises of God. She is described in Proverbs 31:25: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” She knows the Word, she understands the sovereignty of God, and she knows that He promises to be with her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood. And Peter makes it explicit in verse 5. He is not talking about just any women. He is talking about “holy” women who hope in God.
2. Fearlessness (3:6)
The next thing to see about Christian womanhood is the fearlessness that this hope in God produces in these women. Notice how Sarah is used as an example in verse 6: “And you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” Robert Deffinbaugh writes: “Can you imagine leaving your homeland, your family, and all of your friends to go to a place God has not even yet revealed (see Genesis 12:1-3)? How many times did Abraham come to his wife to tell her God had instructed him to do what appeared to be foolish? As far as I can tell, Sarah was never present when God gave Abraham his instructions (except the one time in Genesis 18). It could have been a most terrifying thing to have been married to Abraham and follow him without being frightened by any fear. But Sarah did submit to Abraham, first in her spirit, and then on a day-by-day basis.[3] For this, she became an example of godly submission to all of us.”[4]
A Christian woman does not fear the future. She laughs at the future. Her hope in the invincible sovereignty of God drives out fear. Or to say it more carefully and realistically, the daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their hearts. Mature Christian women wage war on fear, and they defeat it with hope in the promises of God. They hope in God. And they triumph over fear.
3. A Focus on Internal Adornment (3:3-4)
And this leads to a third feature of Peter’s portrait of womanhood -- they focus on internal adornment rather than external adornment. First Peter 3:5 begins: “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.” This adornment refers back to what is described in verses 3-4: “Do not let your adorning be external — the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear — but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” Verse three has been used by various groups to say that women should not wear makeup, jewelry, braided hair, etc. This is a misinterpretation of that verse. For if their interpretation were true, then clothing would also be prohibited![5] What Peter means is this: “Don’t focus your main attention and effort on how you look on the outside. Focus it on the beauty that is inside. Exert more effort and be more concerned with inner beauty than outer beauty.” Dwight Edwards writes: “If you look at a picture and your eyes are drawn to the frame surrounding the picture the artist made a big mistake. The frame of a picture is only there to accent the painting, not take attention away from it. Our body is simply the frame which encloses our soul and spirit, and it is upon our soul and spirit God is trying to portray the image of Christ. Our body and clothing should help in this purpose and not hinder.”[6]
Not only is it wrong for a woman (or a man) to place too high a value on external appearances, it is likewise evil to seek man’s approval rather than to strive to please God. That which pleases God is a “gentle and quiet spirit.” This is hardly the contemporary estimate of the ideal woman. Our culture teaches women to practice assertiveness and aggressiveness and outer beauty, rather than to acquire a gentle and quiet spirit.[7] Least we be confused, he is very specific in verse 4. When a woman puts her hope in God and not her husband and not in her looks, and when she overcomes fear by the promises of God, this will have an effect on her heart: It will give her an inner tranquility. That’s what Peter means in verse 4: “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
4. A Unique Kind of Submissiveness
That leaves one more feature of this portrait of womanhood to see. First, there was hope in God. That leads then to fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring. Then that leads to an inner tranquility and meekness. And, finally, that spirit expresses itself in a unique kind of submissiveness to her husband. Notice Verse 1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” We see this repeated in Verse 5: “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.” A Christian woman willingly submits to her husband.[8]
Transition
That is a very brief look at the portrait of the kind of woman Peter has in mind when he calls a woman to be submissive to her husband. She has unshakable hope in God. She is fearless when facing the future. She has a quiet and gentle spirit. She humbly submits to her husband’s leadership. It is a great sadness that in our modern society — even in the church — the different and complementary roles of biblical headship for the husband and biblical submission for the wife are despised or simply passed over. Some people just write them off as sub-Christian cultural leftovers from the first century. Others distort and misuse them. How often do you hear of wives who are not allowed to do anything without the permission of the husband? That kind of pathological distortion makes it easier for people to dispense with texts like these in the Bible. But the truth of headship and submission is really beautiful. So let’s ponder from this text first what submission is not, and then what it is.
What Submission Isn’t[9]
1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says. You can see that in Verse one: she is a Christian and he is not.[10] He has one perspective about ultimate reality. She has another. Peter calls her to be submissive while assuming she will not submit to his view of the most important thing in the world — God. So submission can't mean submitting to agree with all her husband thinks.
2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar. Submission is not the inability or the unwillingness to think for oneself. Here is a woman who heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. She thought about it. She assessed the truth claims of Jesus. She apprehended (in her heart) the beauty and worth Christ and His work, and she chose Him. Her husband heard it also. Otherwise Peter probably wouldn't say he "disobeyed the word." He has heard the word and he has thought about it. And he has not chosen Christ. She thought for herself and she has chosen Christ. And Peter does not tell her to retreat from that commitment.
3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. The whole point of this text is to tell a wife how to "win" her husband. Verse one says: "Be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won." If you didn't care about the Biblical context you might say: "Submission has to mean, taking a husband the way he is and not trying to change him." But if you care about the context, you conclude that submission, paradoxically, is a strategy for “changing” him. The goal of this text is to help wives be used to bring about the most profound change in their husbands that can be imagined — the transformation from being a spiritually dead unbeliever to a spiritually alive believer. Submission does not say:"I renounce all efforts to change my husband."
4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. The text clearly teaches that the wife is a follower of Jesus before and above being a follower of her husband. He is going on the path of unbelief. She does not follow him in that, because she has been called to be a disciple of Jesus. Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to governments (2:13-17), to employers (2:18-25), and to husbands (3:1-6)!
5. Finally submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear. Verse 6b says: "You have become [Sarah's] children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." In other words, submission is free. It is not coerced by fear. When a Christian woman submits to her husband — whether he is a believer or unbeliever — she does it in freedom, not out of fear.
What Submission Is[11]
If that’s what submission is not, then what is it? John Piper writes: “Submission is:
· The divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.
· It’s the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership.
· It is an attitude that says: ‘I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.’”
But submission does not follow a husband into sin. What then does submission say in such a situation? It says: “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”
The reason I say that submission is a disposition and an inclination to follow a husband’s lead is because there will be times in a Christian marriage when the most submissive wife, with good reason, will hesitate at a husband’s decision. It may look unwise to her. Suppose its Debi and myself. I am about to decide something for the family that looks foolish to her. At that moment, Debi could express her submission like this: “Mark, I know you’ve thought a lot about this, and I love it when you take the initiative to plan for us and take the responsibility like this, but I really don’t have peace about this decision. I think we need to talk about it some more. Could we talk about it later tonight?”
The reason that approach is a kind of biblical submission is: 1) because husbands, unlike Christ, are fallible and ought to admit it; 2) because husbands ought to want their wives to be excited about the family decisions, since Christ wants the church to be excited about following his decisions and not just follow begrudgingly; 3) because the way Debi expressed her misgivings communicated clearly that she endorses my leadership and affirms me in my role as head; and 4) because she has made it clear to me from the beginning of our marriage that if, when we have done all the talking we should, we still disagree, she will defer to her husband’s decision.
Conclusion[12]
In closing, I want to clean up a couple of loose ends and drive home some very specific applications from this text – to both men and women.
1. The Idea of Submission is Not Limited to this Text
The submission of the wife to her husband was established at the time of the creation of man and then at the fall. It is not merely an Old Testament requirement but a New Testament imperative. Paul taught it, and so did Christ. In 1 Peter, the cross is not only an example of submission, it serves as the basis, the means, and the motivation of submission. Peter’s teaching on the submission of the wife to her husband follows immediately upon his teaching of the submission of servants to their masters (“in the same way”). It also follows the example of the ultimate “Suffering Servant,” whose suffering was innocently and silently endured. As our Lord submitted to the will of His Father (see Philippians 2:8), and as slaves are to submit to their masters, wives are to submit as well. Do not think that this verse is a “one off text.”
2. The Idea of Submission Irks the World
Does our culture bristle at this thought? This is just one more way the Christian will stand apart from others and one more reason why our “doing good” will be evil spoken of by unbelievers. Submission to one’s husband is one of the many ways in which the Christian may suffer for the sake of Christ and to the glory of God.
3. The Idea of Submission Does Not Guarantee Happiness
Does submission appear to limit one’s happiness and fulfillment in this life? It may, but the Christian wife has her hope in God, and she willingly accepts suffering in this life assured of the glory to come.
4. The Idea of Submission Runs Counter to Marital Advice Related to Abusive Husbands
When it comes to “abusive” husbands, more often than I wish to admit, I find Christians turning their backs on Peter’s teaching. They believe a wife should not have to put up with an abusive husband. When they do so, they are thinking according to the mold of our culture rather than the mind of Christ. Suppose one of your very good friends confides that her husband is cruel and “abusive” to her. She is a Christian. He is not. She wonders what she should do and asks for your advice. Do you turn to the Bible, or do you give, “your opinion?” And if you turn to the Bible, is this text one of the first you show her? It should be. It calls on the Christian to suffer unjustly, to the glory of God, and for the salvation of those who are lost. Is a “dysfunctional marriage” pleasant? No. Is it an excuse to bail out? Peter gives us the answer, although it is not one we want to hear.
5. The Idea of Submission Runs Counter to Our Culture’s Emphasis on Appearance
This passage cuts to the heart of a growing crisis in
6. The Idea of Submission Challenges the Claim to “Relativize” the Text
We need to recognize how revolutionary Peter's teaching here was. In that world, at that time, women were expected to follow the religious leadership of their husbands. Yet, Peter addresses the women as independent moral agents. Peter addresses women directly, without contemplating the views of their husbands. Notice the dilemma that 1st Century Christian women faced. The woman who was formerly totally dependent upon her husband is now less so because she is a Christian. She might even be tempted to seek counsel and guidance from Christians rather than to receive direction from her husband. This lack of total dependence upon the husband and the possibility of seeking counsel from others would be very threatening to a non-Christian husband. A wife who did not seek to scrupulously follow Peter’s instructions could make matters even worse. It is no wonder that Peter writes to such women.
7. The Idea of Submission Challenges Our View of Evangelism
Finally, Peter challenges us to think more carefully and precisely about evangelism. We think of evangelism as being virtually synonymous with our speech. We must proclaim the gospel, for men and women are saved only as they hear and respond to the good news of salvation in Christ. Yet, Peter makes it clear that there is a time to be quiet. We do not convert people by wearing down their resistance. We do not convert people by our persuasive powers. Rather, our lives are to be consistent with the gospel we preach. After the lost have heard of Christ, they must see Him in us. That is the connection which Peter makes between the “Suffering Servant” in 1 Peter 2:21-25 and the suffering of His servants in this entire section. It may very well be our suffering rather than our success in speaking which God uses to draw the lost to Himself.
[1] Derek W. H. Thomas, “Help for the Painful Trial: Sermons on 1 Peter”
[2] Adapted from John Piper, “The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission”, By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: www.desiringGod.org. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 1.888.346.4700.
[3] The tense of the word “obeyed” in verse 6 is such that it probably should be rendered “used to obey,” emphasizing the continual obedience of Sarah.
[4] Robert Deffinbaugh, “A Word to Wives” (1 Peter 3:1-6). “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[5] Dwight Edwards, “1 Peter: The Life That Lasts”
[6] Dwight Edwards, “1 Peter: The Life That Lasts”
[7] Robert Deffinbaugh, “A Word to Wives” (1 Peter 3:1-6). “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[8] Christian wives are instructed to submit to their own husbands. They are not to submit to another man nor are they instructed to submit themselves to men in general.
[9] Adapted from John Piper, “The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission”, By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: www.desiringGod.org. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 1.888.346.4700.
[10] From verse 7 in chapter 2, we learn that when Peter speaks of being “disobedient to the word” he means that these husbands are unsaved. They have rejected the gospel. Yet, it would be wrong to state or imply Peter was writing only or even primarily to Christian wives married to unbelieving men. Peter’s instructions to husbands in verse 7 assumes their wives are believers. As in his instructions to slaves, Peter wants to be clear that his instructions apply even to the worst cases. The worst case would be a Christian wife married to an unbelieving husband hostile toward Christianity. If such a person were obligated to follow Peter’s instructions, all other wives would certainly be expected to obey them.
[11] Adapted from John Piper, “The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission”, By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: www.desiringGod.org. Email: mail@desiringGod.org. Toll Free: 1.888.346.4700.
[12] Adapted from Robert Deffinbaugh, “A Word to Wives” (1 Peter 3:1-6). “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
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