Shall We Then Live in a Post-Christian Culture
“Submission in Marriage” – Part Two
1 Peter 3:7
Review
In 1 Peter 1:13, after having explained the greatness of our salvation in 1 Peter 1:1-12 (i.e., what God has done in salvation), Peter says: “therefore.” That is, in light of this great salvation we are to live in a manner that is consistent with this great salvation. So, in 1 Peter 1:13-2:12, Peter sets forth seven calls to action related to our sanctification as believers. Next, we find ourselves in the third section of 1 Peter -- the submission of believers (2:13-3:12). Derek Thomas writes of this section: “What practical difference does it really make in your life that you are a Christian? What does it really mean for you to be a Christian? How is your life any different because you profess the name of Jesus Christ than if you didn’t? That’s the issue that Peter is dealing with here in this third section. He wants to say something about Christians living in a society that is less than ideal, to slaves who are living in circumstances which are less than ideal, to husbands and wives in marriages which are less than ideal, and to those churches which are less than ideal. In four different areas Peter wants to address the issue: ‘What difference does it make that you profess to be a Christian?’”[1] This week we will conclude our study of the third area – the need of the believer to be submissive in a marriage that is less than ideal. This week we will look at the obligation of the husband to understand and honor his wife.
Text
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
While there are many translations, I tend to agree with the NASB translation which makes Peter’s two-part instruction clear. First, husbands must take the time and effort to understand their wives. Second, husbands are to honor them due to their being fellow (and equal) heirs of salvation. These two commands are followed by one result: that your prayers will not be hindered. This morning, we will consider these two commands and their result after discussing the context of this verse.
The Context
To truly appreciate the meaning of this verse, we need to consider its context.
1. Historical Context
First, we need to consider its historical context. William Barclay, who writes of marriage as it existed in Peter’s day, helps us appreciate the state of women at the time of Peter’s writing of this epistle.
“In every sphere of ancient civilization, women had no rights at all. Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was owned by her husband in exactly the same way as he owned his sheep and his goats; on no account could she leave him, although he could dismiss her at any moment. For a wife to change her religion while her husband did not was unthinkable…In Greek civilization the duty of the woman was ‘to remain indoors and to be obedient to her husband.’ She had no kind of independent existence and no kind of mind of her own, and her husband could divorce her almost at caprice, so long as he returned her dowry…Under Roman law a woman had no rights. In law she remained for ever a child. When she was under her father she was under the father’s power, which gave the father the right even of life and death over her; and when she married she passed equally into the power of her husband. Cato the Censor, the typical ancient Roman, wrote: ‘If you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her with impunity without a trial.’ …The whole attitude of ancient civilization was that no woman could dare take any decision for herself.”[2]
With this background information, it becomes obvious how radical Peter’s admonition to husbands is. Peter is calling upon Christian husbands to treat their wives as being an “equal”, a fellow heir of the kingdom of heaven. This is very important because many in “Christendom” want to dismiss this (and the passage for wives in 1 Peter 3:1-6) as no longer being relevant. On the contrary, the actual historical context makes the admonition even “more” relevant to 21st century husbands (and wives).
2. Biblical Context
Beyond the historical context of this verse, it is also important to consider what the Scriptures have to say about the roles of husbands and wives. From the time of creation (Gen. 2), wives were made to be “help mates” for their husbands. Man was created first. Woman was created “out” of man. Even after the Fall (Gen. 3), wives were to submit to men (Eph. 5; 1 Peter 3). This concept of male “headship” is interwoven throughout the Bible itself.
3. Textual Context
Finally, it is important to understand how this passage fits into the textual context of this epistle. There is a key phrase near the beginning of this verse. What is that phrase? The key phrase is: “…in the same way…” What does Peter mean? Just as the example of our Lord is the pattern for slaves and Christian wives, it is also the pattern for Christian husbands. When Peter turns to husbands in verse 7, he simply continues the subject of submission he began in chapter 2 and continues to the end of chapter 3. While submission is not specifically called for here in verse 7, it is clearly required by inference.[3] That is, there's an obligation of submission on the part of the husband. What does it mean for husbands to submit to their wives? John MacArthur writes: “We don't submit to the authority of the wife, we don't submit to the leadership of the wife, to the headship of the wife, but we do submit...listen to this...to the needs of the wife. We subordinate our own little world and our own little agenda to meet the needs of the woman who is our wife (whether or not if she is a Christian).” [4]
Live With Your Wife in an Understanding Way
Now that we have reviewed the context, let us consider the first command – “live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.” To understand this command, we need to answer three questions:
1. What does it mean to “live” with your wives?
When we come to Peter’s words to husbands, there is little common ground between what society expected from Christian husbands and what God required of them. While the men of Peter’s day could rather easily ease out of one marriage and into another (see Matthew 19:3-12), the same was not true for women. There was therefore no need for Peter to command wives to “live” with their husbands as he does husbands to “live” with their wives. So, the command to “live with their wives” is really a short statement of the instruction given by the Lord Himself (as expressed through His apostles). Specifically, the husband is not only NOT to seek an excuse to leave a marriage, he is expected to recognize that he and his wife are no longer two independent people. They are now "one flesh" (Gen 2:21-24; Ephesians 5:31).
2. What does it mean to live with your wives in an “understanding” way?
Peter does not specify exactly what the husbands are to know or understand, but from the immediate and general context, it is likely that he is referring to (1) knowledge[5] of the command of God and (2) understanding of the nature of women (and their own wives in particular). Husbands are to gain a firm grasp of God's command concerning their roles and duties in marriage, and they are to become experts when it comes to their wives – i.e., their personalities, beliefs, needs, desires, talents, strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. Then, they must make constructive use of this knowledge as they dwell with their wives. God's command in this area is very clear. The analogy in Ephesians 5 is nothing less than graphic (v. 25-33). When it comes to understanding their wives, as the husbands live with them day by day, it is not difficult to learn the most intimate details about them if they will just pay attention.
What are your wife's greatest needs? Ask her. What are her greatest concerns? Ask her. What are her hopes and dreams? Ask her. What new vistas would she like to explore? Ask her, and keep on asking her over the years! Her answers will enable you to understand and care for her more effectively.[6]
3. What does it mean to live with someone “weaker”?
Not only are we to live in an understanding way, we are to live with her “as with a weaker vessel since she is a woman." What does Peter mean by that? Before I answer the question, I want to pass along an observation made by John MacArthur. He notes that “weaker” is a comparative term. What's it compared to? Weak! So don't get, you know, over confident about your great abilities. You're weak, she's weaker.[7] Now, let us return to the question.
What does Peter mean by calling the wife a “weaker vessel”?
Peter does not specify in what sense the wife is the weaker partner. Spiritual inferiority must be ruled out since the next phrase states that Christian wives are "fellow heirs of the grace of life.” Intellectual inferiority must be ruled out since there is no plausible biblical argument that can be made showing that women are inherently less capable than men in learning and thinking. Proverbs 31 also rules out the possibility that women possess less excellence in character (v. 10), skill (v. 13), economic sense (v. 16-18), strength (v. 17), compassion (v. 20), or wisdom (v. 26).
What other options are left?
Robert Deffinbaugh provides what I believe to be the best answer to this question: “It appears that the “weakness” to which Peter refers is not so much a weakness with which a woman is born, but that role or position of weakness to which she submits, in obedience to the Word of God. To be weak is to lack power and prominence. For a woman to submit to her husband, to be silent, and to have a gentle and quiet spirit (as taught in 3:1-6) -- is to be weak in the eyes of the world. As a result, the husband is to honor his wife because she has been divinely appointed (and has willingly submitted) to assume this role as the ‘weaker vessel.’”[8]
Grant Her Honor as a Fellow-Heir of the Grace of Life
Husbands are not only to “live” with their wife in an understanding way, they are to grant their wives honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life. In other words, although they may be weaker in some sense, they are completely equal to men where it really counts. They are joint heirs in eternal life and the blessings of heaven. They are not hindered by or inferior to their husbands in any way when it comes to growth in knowledge, faith, love, courage, and the various spiritual gifts. They have direct access to God through Jesus Christ without the need for mediation by their husbands. And it is to God to whom they will give their final account.
What does it mean to “honor” your wife?
The noun “honor” is found in 1 Peter 2:7, here in 1 Peter 3:7, and in 2 Peter 1:17. To “honor” someone is to attribute value to them, to esteem them as having value. To dishonor someone is to view them as having little, lesser, or no value (see Matthew 5:22; James 2:1-6). Honor also has to do with importance. Submission is evidenced when we place the interests of another before that of ourselves (see the example of Christ in Philippians 2:3-8).[9]
What does it mean to “honor” your wife as fellow-heir of the grace of life?
Peter is interjecting an eternal perspective into our honor of our wives. Just as Peter has “married” suffering in this world with hope in the next world (1 Peter 1:13; see also 1:3-12, etc.), Peter “marries” the wife’s submission in this world to her hope in the next world (being a fellow-heir of the grace of life). For a short time the wife is subject to her husband in this life. But in eternity it will not be this way at all. For all eternity there will be no distinction between slave and free, rich and poor, male and female. Husbands are to view their marriage with this eternal perspective (see also Matthew 22:29-30).[10]
How then does the husband his wife honor as the weaker vessel?
If the responsibility of the wife is to give priority to her inner beauty rather than to outward adornment, it is the husband’s duty to honor his wife, to promote her well-being, and to praise her efforts. That is, the husband honors his wife as the weaker vessel by seeking to exalt and elevate her. This is clearly seen throughout the Scriptures. In submission to His Father, our Lord sought only to obey and not to promote His own glory but the glory of the Father. The Father is the One who promotes the glory of the Son (see Philippians 2:3-11). The husband of the godly woman of Proverbs is “known in the gates” of the city, because of his wife (31:23). But it certainly seems that he proclaims the praises of his wife in the gates (31:31). In Ephesians 5, the husband is to imitate Christ’s relationship to the church in his relationship to his wife. Christ not only gave Himself sacrificially for the church, but He is actively at work to perfect and beautify His bride (Ephesians 5:25-28a). We as husbands should do the same.[11]
Isn’t submission in a marriage a wonderful thing?
-The wife seeks to glorify her husband, but submits to him. The husband uses his leadership to “glorify” his wife as he exercises leadership over her in a way that sacrifices his personal interests to bring about the best interests of his bride. Here we can see the true spirit of submission. True submission does not exercise strength at the expense of the weak, but rather refrains for the benefit of the weak. In the world, men use their strength to their own advantage and to the disadvantage of the weak. In the Christian faith, the strong employ their strength in such a way as to edify the weak (Romans 15:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:14).[12]
So That Your Prayers May Not Be Hindered
Having considered the two commands, let us now look at their result. The goal of Christ’s suffering was our salvation (1 Peter 2:21-25). The goal of the wife’s submission in suffering is the salvation of her husband (3:1-2). The goal for the Christian husband’s conduct in relation to his wife is unhindered prayer – “…so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Men, I don’t know anything in the Scriptures that should terrify you more than that. You can ransack the Scriptures from Genesis to Revelation and I doubt that you will find anything that will terrify you more than that.
This frightening result also sounds strange to those who conceive of their faith as a strictly individual business. Although the Scripture acknowledges a private aspect of religion, it also affirms a communal dimension of faith. A husband can hardly expect God to hear him while he mistreats his wife or harbors hostility toward her, whom God tells him to love and cherish even to the point of death (Ephesians 5:25). (Note: By the same token, no woman should suppose that she is spiritual or that she has the ear of God when she resents her husband, or if she is not entirely submissive and obedient toward him.) Peter wants us to know that there is a connection between our relationship with God and our relationship with our wives. Be as theologically and morally correct as you like; if you are not being understanding and respectful of your wives -- don’t expect your prayers to go up to God as an acceptable sacrifice.
Conclusion
Let me close by making two related points. Just as the wife's attitude toward the husband should be characterized by submission and obedience, the attitude of the husband toward his wife should be characterized by sacrifice. However, this does not mean that the husbands should always allow their wives to have their way. When it comes to matters of personal comfort and security, husbands should sacrifice his rights for that of their wives. When it comes to spiritual matters, husbands should not yield his rights when their wives are disobedient. The trouble is that many husbands are selfish when they should yield their rights to the wives in love, and they are lenient when they should remain firm against the wives' sinful tendencies. Ephesians 5 does not only teach that the husbands should be sacrificial in their love, but that their love should also be spiritual in focus, just as Christ purifies his church through the word of God.
Likewise wives, we must also be aware of the danger that exists in our culture of abusing Peter’s teaching here. It is one thing for a husband to be a servant to his wife by knowing and ministering to the weaknesses of his wife. It is quite another for her to expect and even demand that he “meet her needs,” as she defines them. Don’t become a female Clint Eastwood, standing with clenched fists and demanding, “Go ahead, meet my needs!”[13]
[1] Derek W. H. Thomas, “Help for the Painful Trial: Sermons on 1 Peter”
[2] William Barclay, The Letters of James and Peter (
[3] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[4] John MacArthur, “How to Win Your Unbelieving Spouse” – 1 Peter 3:1-7
[5] “What does Peter want us to understand by this word “knowledge”? Having looked up every use of this term in the New Testament, I think it is safe to say its primary emphasis is upon that “knowledge” which is from above, knowledge of Christ, the Gospel, and that which God has revealed, especially as it relates to marriage. The principle thrust of Peter’s command to husbands, therefore, is this: Husbands, keep on living with your wives in accordance with that knowledge which you now have as Christians…..Some would favor the view that Peter’s words here refer primarily to the husband’s knowledge of his wife, of her weaknesses, her needs, her uniqueness as a woman and as an individual. While this kind of knowledge is important for the husband to minister to his wife, I do not think Peter’s emphasis lies here. This, in my opinion, is a secondary matter, while biblical knowledge is primary. I therefore seem to differ with Edmund Clowney’s emphasis, but not in a way that rejects the point he makes: “Does Peter mean knowledge of the wife, or knowledge of God and his calling? The close connection with the description of the wife as the weaker partner favors the specific sense: the husband must dwell with his wife as one who knows her needs, who recognizes the delicacy of her nature and feelings. On the other hand, Peter has warned against ‘the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance’ (1;14). Knowledge of God distinguishes Christian love from pagan lust. That saving knowledge enables the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” – Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[6] “Dr. Constable's Notes on 1 Peter”, 2008 Edition, pg. 43.
[7] John MacArthur, “How to Win Your Unbelieving Spouse” – 1 Peter 3:1-7
[8] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[9] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[10] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[11] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[12] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
[13] Robert Deffinbaugh, “The Obligation of Christian Husbands to Their Wives” (1 Peter 3:7); “The Glory of Suffering: A Study of 1 Peter”.
